Derren Brown

Derren Brown’s a wizard, a real life Dumbledore,
He picked the lotto numbers, live on Channel 4.

Less like a magician, more so a messiah,
Making poor Paul Daniels push his game a little higher.

But Derren Brown of all the wonders you make me believe,
There’s certain things not even you could possibly achieve.

Could you whisper magic words, to make Posh Spice gain weight?
Or wave a magic wand, that turned Robbie Williams straight?

Or make a pantless Britney wear a pubic wig?
Or raise up Wacko Jacko to play his O2 gigs?

Could you make it so that Jordan could feel a nipple twister?
Or make us believe Danni Minogues the more successful sister?

Could you amend the GaGa’s tutu, so her balls simply hungout?
Or make Kerry Katona lucid, when really she’s strung out?

Could you make Peter Andre’s singing voice sound like Elvis Presley?
Or reinvent that Blind Date show, but hosted by John Leslie?

Or get Sir David Attenborough to kill the Andrex puppy?
Or make Heather Mills take off her leg, and still do keepy uppys?

Could you give the gift of comedy back to Eddie Murphy?
Or make Madonna cover up on her 80,000th Birthday?

Or cure Amy Winehouse’s problems, only using cannisten?
Or make Brad Pitt leave Angie, and return to Jennifer Anniston?

I reckon though that Derren Brown could do any one of these,
Just wrinkle his nose, and it would be so, with the simplest of ease.

Yet his best illusion, sits astride his head,
Brown may look brunette, but his barnetts really red!

He’s a secret ginger, and that seems quite prophetic,
He might control our minds, but he can’t change his genetics.