What happens after X-Factor, do the rejects just go poor?
No Simon rounds the losers up and sends them out on tour.
They play arenas round the land, they move from place to place,
You get to see ‘thingymabob’, and cheer on ‘whats-her-face’.
There’s no easy way of saying it, the truth cannot be softened,
Once the show goes off the air, the rejects are forgotten.
So before you buy your tickets here’s a quick refresher course,
To save you spending 50 quid and dealing with remorse.
There’s Irish mama Mary, her big voice sounding grand,
If Subo is the real thing, then Marys Tesco brand.
Having to sing live every night, Mary is a mess,
She’s used to only coping with ten items or less.
Then there’s Gansta Cher Lloyd, who likes to get her swag on,
And pulls these awful faces that you’d put a paper bag on.
Once the tour is over, Will.I.am may still harangue her
He couldn’t get in Cheryl’s pants, so he’ll try her doppelganger.
Simons made a boyband, 4 small Bieber clones,
(plus a little asian kid, so nobody moans).
He’s got them suited booted, and named them One Direction,
He did it just so Louie’d squirm and stifle an erection.
But when the tour is over, and each lads got their pay,
All of One Direction will go 5 separate ways.
No they’ll land a record deal these boys will all be set,
Their already sitting dreaming of the pussy they will get.
There was Aiden Grimshaw whose style did not make sense,
Had a jokey Jedward haircut but his face was so intense.
He claims that he is purely straight, but I’m a non believer,
You’ll find him on the tour bus knuckle deep in diva fever.
Her style just plain annoying, her voice was shrew and nasal,
But once the tour is over she’s giving up on fame,
She’s gonna join her granny by going on the game.
Then of course there’s Wagner, which label suits him best?
Tone death creepy crooner, or samba moved sex pest?
There’s rumours that he’s bonking Mary, what image could be scarier?
He’s put an unexpected item in her bagging area.
Matt Cardle finishes the show, his singing can’t be slicker,
Housewives up and down the land are wringing out their knickers.
And once the tour is over and they’ve finished their last gig,
Simon throws them in the bin, on top of Eggnog Quigg.
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